where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
