totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize