is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
