I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
