So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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