please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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