yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
