Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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