Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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