dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Randomize
