I hope mine doesn't look like that
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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