My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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