Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
