someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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