Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
