The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize
