wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
