I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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