I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
