I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Randomize
