Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
