you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
