I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
