I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
