You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
