Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
