DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
the liver wants what the liver wants
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
