So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
You left your phone here
Wait...
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
