remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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