We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
