Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
