I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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