Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
