things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
