yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Ketchup is God's man juice
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
