so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
