Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
