My nipple is on Facebook.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
