Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
