Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Terrible idea I love it
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize