I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize