I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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