i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
