I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
