I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
there is puke in my bra ... again
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