Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
