eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
