My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
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