Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
