yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
