I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
