The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
