So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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