Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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