one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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