You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Randomize
