My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
