Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Sober January is a disaster.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She bit a glass in half.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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