and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
