Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
