she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
