Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
