he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize