Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
