I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
