You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
