About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
