so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize